Courage & Dignified End

One day in August 2009 I received an email from my friend A. Her email was sad and encouraging at the same time. She wanted her friends to know that a relative of her passed away after having lived with breast cancer for 5 years. She was only at the beginning of her fifties, a teacher. My friend writes: "Just before midnight yesterday, she began to have excruciating pain, checked into the hospital and was administered morphine for her pain. She passed a few hours later.The cancer had taken its toll quickly [...]." Those are the sad facts.

As my friend puts it, we certainly do not expect to face the end when we know that life expectancy pushes towards 80 years and more, and that we all can have active, full lives despite experiencing first "unavoidable age related health matters, such as weakening eyesight and hearing, joints aches, cholesterol level, cysts/fibroids etc...and of course superficial greys and wrinkles" in our forties, which would be middle age.

The encouraging side of this story is that a human being is able to live a dignified life till the end by making a bold, conscious choice. This was such with my friend's relative. She was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago,  but opted against chemo and surgery. Everybody would be curious to know as to why she chose this path as having cancer and not treating it means certain death? One explanation A. found was that she had cared for her mom for many years who was bedridden after a severe stroke. So she had seen the pain and suffering first hand and must have developed the wish and conviction not to do this to anyone. In the end, not wanting a "repetition of that for herself and her siblings, she chose not to go down that path and pass on with dignity and minimal suffering." And she suffered minimal pain before the end, apart from occasional fatigue, and lived a good life by her standards. "And pass on she did as she had wished. It is for those left with behind to deal with the loss and grief....make peace with it ...and find the courage to carry on with life." Further to my friend, the family is in shock despite knowing she had cancer. Death, indeed, is hard to cope with, may it come sudden or with warnings.

To many, this woman was brave. She made a brave choice and gave herself a life without suffering and agony, which cancer treatment in hospital would have certainly meant for her. My friend and I find ourselves reminded of our luck to be healthy and in a position to do what we love in our lives. We will certainly continue to make the most of our days on Earth. She goes to her annual screenings and check-ups; I have been a bit more careless, realising that I have not had a test in four years, but will certainly make up for it.