Fridays

Every Friday I am left to do what I want if I did not existed to him. I cannot go to a certain club because he is going there, and I don't know what to think. Sometimes I am thinking he is going there because he wants to see or meet other women. Or is someone already waiting there? I have seen it many times how he flirts with others in front of my eyes, or is he just being friendly? On one occasion, we came together to a party, he greeted someone he knew and they just went off dancing together. I was just left standing there and felt hurt and furious and just bad. I could not say a thing this night. grrr, I better go back doing something before my thoughts absorb me too much.

Boyfriend

Realizing that the boy you love and is supposed to be your boyfriend does not love you actually, is quite daunting. It's true, I want to be loved and I would like to think that I am lovable. I don't want to end up alone, even though we come to the world alone and probably leave it alone...yet, until then, it is stimulating and reassuring to have a companion and love in your life.

His excuse: he can't love anybody. And here we go again, hope dies last, hoping that love will spring....

Miami, Florida

"Miami is a strange place; not at all like you imagine it, is it? [...] Take a good look: Miami is nothing. Because it's got everything but lacks the vital element: it has no heart." (from Havana Black by Leonardo Padura Fuentes, 1998)

Birthday

Today is Big James' birthday. God bless you, J

Revisiting 'RESPECT'

I really had to look up the definition of respect as I wasn't sure if I am experienced it. It's about text messages. Text messages are sent countless times, perhaps with some carelessness...everything that comes to our mind we text away, at every hour of the day or night. Often it only conveys a message or a thought or a statement, or a mood, with no apparent reason to anser as there might not be a question. However, does that mean that we should ignore it? Or should we not acknowledge receipt at least? Is there respect to consider?

Recalling respect: Respect is looking at a person and consider their state, being and situation, respond appropriately. Other put it in more precise words like "giving positive attention and providing positive recognition." So, in other words avoiding, being silent, providing no answer is disrespect. Hence not answering a text is disrespectful? Well, sometimes for me it is. I can't remember when I did not answer a text or email the last time...only if I truly forget....

Flatsharing

Flatsharing in London can be very draining because one has to deal with people one would not want to meet if seen on the street. You know instinctively that something is not ok, one feels uneasy, so all you can do is stay away from them, tell them nicely, you are busy. Even that is so so draining and uncomfortable, as it is in your 'home'. grrr

Royal Crescent

Gosh, people really through everything at you! What about being considerate? I am so fed up with flatsharing, but I am poor as well and have to put off my dream of my own loft for a while longer. I work Saturdays as well, but when has honest, diligent work made anyone well-off? Gosh, I really need to let steam off............dear diary, thanks for listening to me! Just needed that.

Finally made it to Bournemouth

Oh, and what a good time we had. Beach volleyball in drizzle, but so much fun.

Love and togetherness

It's hard to hear: " I can't give you love and togetherness..." Should I stay or should I go.....the song springs to my mind